Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Domestic Abuse Misconception #17

Domestic Abuse Misconception #17: Jealousy just means that he loves her. It is harmless and will go away as the relationship develops. The truth is that excessive jealousy is probably one of the first signs that a relationship could turn abusive. 

This is particularly important to keep in mind when you are in the early stages of a relationship. While  possessiveness and insecurity of your new love interest might be flattering at first, take note. If he can't stand the thought of you being friends with other guys, can't stand the idea that you have ever had another boyfriend, has to know where you are and what you are doing at all times of the day and night, something is very, very wrong. You are no longer a person to him. You are a possession. 

Jealousy can get really dangerous really fast. As this article states:
"Statistically, the most obscene homicidal and suicidal effects of Domestic Violence generally occur from pathologically jealous men against female partners." 
I have heard on more than one occasion that the statement, "If I can't have you, nobody can," should be viewed as a death threat. You hear that, you get help. Fast. (In the Asheville area call the Helpmate at (828)254-0516. Nationally, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800)799-SAFE.)

Jealousy isn't love. Jealousy is control. Don't get those confused.

(Note: In all of my posts I use "he" for abuser and "she" for victim for simplicity and because, in the majority of cases, the abuser is male. But it can be the opposite with a female abuser. Dynamics of abuse can also happen in same sex relationships.)

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