Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Brainless Wonder

Yep! That's me. A brainless wonder. I don't know how it happened really, I just know it did. It may not be fair but I blame it on my kids. Best I can tell, each time I gave birth it cut my IQ in half. Four kids later and I probably shouldn't qualify for a drivers license.

I wasn't always this way. In years past, like really way past, I was the smart one. My older sisters were pretty and popular but I was just smart. My favorite toy was our set of World Book Encyclopedias, 1965 edition. I would just pick up off the shelf and sit there for hours, poring over maps and charts and lapping up facts to my heart's content.

Of course, I spent my high school years making no use whatsoever of my gray matter, but I did manage to dig it out of the closet in college when I took to memorizing scripture, lots and lots of it. So much so that I was told nobody would ask me out on a date because my Bible knowledge intimidated them. This was not the result I was going for, I can assure you. God, in His goodness, eventually sent me a husband anyway.

But then something happened. I think it started around the time I got pregnant but, to be honest, I can't remember. That is just the problem. I can't remember anything and haven't been able to for well over 20 years. Basic grammar? Gone!  Four years of college? Gone! Those Bible verses? Gone!

I know the real reason has something to do with oxytocin (AKA the "dumb" hormone). From what I was told, some women eventually get their brains back after the childbearing years are over and, well, some don't. I just assumed that my brain cells were sucked out during year after year after year of breastfeeding and that those missing brain cells are safely parked inside my offspring who, for their teenage years, assumed I was an idiot.

No, I never did get my brain back. Things have only gotten worse. I have gone so far as to look up signs of early onset Alzheimer's. I read recently that the only symptom of menopause to be documented across every culture and ethnic group is memory problems. The only menopausal symptom that cannot be remedied by hormone replacement therapy? Yep, memory problems. I think it is hopeless.

But at least I'm not alone. My husband is getting there, too. One day we came out of Wal-Mart and couldn't find our car. Every single car in the lot was either silver or gold or white. We stumbled around aimlessly for what seemed like hours, like a couple of old codgers freshly escaped from the dementia unit. WE ARE NOT EVEN FIFTY!

Oh, well. I guess part of growing up and growing old is making do with what you got....or don't got, in my case. I read the Bible. I really do. I just can't tell you a couple hours later what I just read anymore.

Whenever I begin to despair, one of the few verses I still remember is what the Psalmist says in Psalm 119:11, "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." I am thankful that I can still hide God's word in my heart, because I certainly don't have a brain.


  1. I was thinking this exact thing a couple days ago- each child takes half of my brain. 3 kids means I'm running on 12.5% of my brain, if I can think enough to do the math. I make lists to remember stuff, lose the list, spend two days looking for the list, etc, etc, etc. My Husband asks "Why not just write a new list?" Oh, BECAUSE I CAN"T REMEMBER WHAT WAS ON IT!!!!!!

  2. but hormone replacement therapy can help those men with testosterone decline right? I want to make sure, my father keep on asking me about it. I have to clarify it first with other people.

  3. Brainless Wonder" evokes a lighthearted perspective. This playful term suggests a carefree approach or perhaps unexpected brilliance. Is Netflix Wick It's a reminder that intellect isn't always tied to seriousness.