Friday, March 29, 2013

Good Friday Balm

Yesterday was a rough day. Nothing in particular happened but the same old guilt reared its ugly head. I ended the day feeling like a total failure. Condemned for what I hadn't done and the mother I hadn't been. Despair set in. Despair I couldn't shake.

In the middle of the night I was wrestling with God. One more day of not being who He made me to be or doing what He called me to do? How much more would he put up with? There must be a limit. But wait. . .
"His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. . ." — Lamentations 3:22-23
And indeed they are new every morning. My brilliant and insightful friend Rebecca (who will always have a place in my heart for driving my husband home from work when I was in labor with my 4th child. . . he was going to WALK the 45 minutes home) apparently woke up this morning with the same struggle. Facing another day of failure.

You can read her blog post here. Her cry is my cry.
"I'm going to fail. Father, show me! Please show me that you will love me, even when I fail today. Make me believe it."
She brought the truth of Good Friday to me on the day that I needed it most. And that is good news and balm for my soul.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I struggle terribly with failure and guilt.....and the anxiety that comes with it. It's a cycle that seems to take over sometimes, but hope wins in the end. The sentence that struck the hardest chord with me was, "How much more would he put up with?" Oh man, how many times I've asked myself this.....countless, and almost every day. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in that kind of mess.