Wednesday, March 21, 2012

From Spring to Spring

It was the year that my estrogen went AWOL, my middle morphed into Jabba the Hut, and I got to see a psychiatrist, because menopause will do that to you. I came face to face with my own failure as a mother, hit rock bottom, and found God waiting there for me. Life marches on. We change. Hard years teach hard, but good, lessons. Here's hoping that, along with being older, I'm a bit wiser this spring.

In the past year I have learned:
  • What I can (very little) and cannot (most everything) control.
  • That if I do the same jigsaw puzzle enough times (Presidents of the United States), I can recognize most former Commanders in Chief by their specific facial features. "That's Grover Cleveland's nose!"
  • That I CAN listen to a sermon all the way through if I am doing aforementioned, or any other, jigsaw puzzle. Currently, card tables are not set up in the sanctuary, so my Sunday morning attention span is limited.
  • That I could totally fall in love with a dog that looks like a dingo crossed with a bat and doesn't even have floppy ears.
  • That puppies make bigger messes than toddlers, if that's possible.
  • Why my husband was so wise in forbidding me to homeschool all those years.
  • How to walk two dogs at once without being turned into a human wishbone.
  • That anything I try to save onto my hard disc (AKA my feeble brain) is rapidly deleted once more info comes in or I've had a hard day, whichever comes first.
  • That "I don't understand" does not mean "I want to understand". Counsel accordingly.
  • That, as a 48 year-old woman with long hair, there is a fine line between Convention-Defying Free Spirit and Creepy Mormon Sister Wife.
  • That maybe nursing school isn't the thing for me.
  • That I'm an INFP, except sometimes I'm an E and sometimes an S, but I'm ALWAYS an F. Sigh.
  • That I can can learn so much about God from watching CSI:Miami.
  • That there is a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth.
  • That Tina Fey and I both think that if we worry about something enough then it won't happen.
  • That I can fall in love with a grandchild the size of a gummy bear.
  • That you cannot assess the character of someone if you are busy defending them.
  • That it isn't about ME.
  • That maturity is partly about learning how to manage your biology.
  • That I can go to God for help even when my circumstances are my own damn fault.
  • That I don't have to understand everything.
  • That if I don't write something down immediately that thought is gone... forever.
  • That the estrogen patch can be a girl's best friend.
  • That I was an arrogant fool to believe that I could parent any better than my mother.
  • That technology hates me.
  • That there is such a thing as a talking smoke detector.
  • That when your newly licensed daughter is driving up a busy road at rush hour in a truck that is about 2 blocks wide, it is best to just shut your eyes.
  • That I CAN remain professionally silent when someone serves up schlock like "If you can believe it, you can achieve it." Gag me with a spoon.
  • That I can't lift 70 pounds.
  • That a large dog can clean up an entire crock pot full of spilled chili and the result will be an even larger dog.
  • What the inside of a horse's mouth looks like while it is eating my camera.
  • That those people who appear to really have it all together really DON'T. (At least I was supposed to have learned that one.)
  • That most people can't relate to people who have it all together.
  • That the Island of Misfit Toys is a fun place to live.
  • That eventually people will quit complaining about the Facebook change until they make another one.
  • That Wii bowling is a lot easier than regular bowling. And a lot less noisy.
  • That in all likelihood they will NEVER tell you what they are looking for when they stare into the open refrigerator.
  • That corn dogs were never meant to go in toasters.
  • That even if someone disagrees with me it doesn't mean I'm wrong.
  • That our land line wasn't tethering us to earth after all.
  • That most things in life, or people, for that matter, don't fit neatly in a box.
  • That sharing at age 48 (especially when it means sharing a computer with a teenage daughter) is just as hard at sharing at age 4.
  • That I spend so much of my life doing things out of fear instead of conviction.
  • That online computer classes are virtually impossible for techno-idiots like me.
  • That sometimes "Honey, dump the narcotics down the toilet before I come home and take them" is a wise thing to say on a bad day.
  • That the gospel is never more beautiful than when you're the one that screwed up.
  • That I don't have to worry about what God will teach me this next year because he is God and I'm not.

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